Cold hands, warm shart.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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