just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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