Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
