i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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