Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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