somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Tornado booty call.. dedication
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
