Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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