You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
