All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
