I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
