GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just want nice things and good sex
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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