so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
