ugly people sure do ruin things
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
