someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
