Your face is a jimmy john
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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