is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
