First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
