Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize