Your dad touched me again.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
