and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
