Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
