so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
