I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
