I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
