I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
