he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I want her autograph on my taint
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
