ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
there is puke in my bra ... again
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
