I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize