Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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