WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
