are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
