Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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