You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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