He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
