fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Nicole vs. Life
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
