she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
