it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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