My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
