found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My ass is underappreciated
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
