You just made me feel so damn special
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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