I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Randomize
