Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
