We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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