So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
