And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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