And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
