We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
