Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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