I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize