Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
