I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
