Please, let me fuck your mom
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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