I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
