When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize