they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
