her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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