I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
