I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Enjoy the penises
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
