The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
