you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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