you guys were way drunker than both of me
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The air was thick with penises
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
