yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
