finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
