What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
