yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize