Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize