he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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