i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
