ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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