Got a toothbrush?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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