I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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