Little spoons don't ask big questions
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
