too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
