They should really pass out barf bags in church
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
