Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
